Advice on Pets, Life, Love
By Monica Collins
Dear Dog Lady,
I work with a woman who tells anybody who asks that she will never get another dog because she couldn't stand the heartbreak of losing it. This seems like a tremendously short-sighted rationale. I thought I would ask you how you would advise this woman.
--Cecily
Dear Cecily,
If your colleague has known the pain of losing a cherished pet and chooses not to go through the ordeal again, there is little anyone can say-except such fear of loss should not hold us back from experiencing life, taking chances, plunging in. Granted, after losing a dog, there is a deep reluctance to get another so quickly because the pain is deep. These animals are like family members. In that spirit, would anyone choose not to have a baby because the child will grow up and leave home?
Some people who are newly dog-less find a replacement dog right away. They don't want to live without four legs. Others take time to savor the newfound independence and honor the memory of the departed. They will wait until the time feels right. You don't know where your colleague falls in this spectrum. She may stay true to her word and never get another dog. Or this adamant posture may be a defense, as in she "doth protest too much." Dog Lady bets your colleague has not sworn off dogs completely and will probably make a canine connection before too long.
Dear Dog Lady,
I am a single woman, never married, 50-something. Almost six years ago, I adopted a puppy and my dog changed my life. You've probably heard this all before but each person wants to believe in their own dog magic. Griffin, a rescue Husky/Lab mix, got me out of myself and a few months ago I met a real human man with whom I'm falling in love.
Recently, a friend called and invited me over for dinner. I asked if she wanted me to bring anything and she said: "Just your beloved." I thought she meant Griff and was touched because many dog-less friends do not want animals in their homes. I said, "Oh, that'd be great. He'd love to come." Imagine my surprise when she greeted us at the door with: "You brought your dog? I told you to bring your `beloved' because I forgot his name. I meant your new boyfriend."
The case of mistaken identity caused everybody to rib me relentlessly. But I was rattled. What does this say about me?
--Ann
Dear Ann,
You've lived with a dog for more human years than with a person and you're working out a new romantic dynamic. The next time someone asks you to bring your "beloved" to a social gathering, you can truthfully ask: "Which one?" You are a rich woman indeed.
Dear Dog Lady,
Ever hear of a Bark Mitzvah? My friend Marge is throwing one for her dog, Biscuit. Her invitation promises plenty of food, a "coming of age ceremony," games, and "other surprises." I find the term "Bark Mitzvah" offensive even though Marge has always seemed like a reasonably sane person. What's your take?
--Warren
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Dear Warren,
In Marge's life, Biscuit is her blessing -her "mitzvah." She seeks a reason to celebrate her dog. You might have some cause for offense if Marge dresses her dog in a kippah or prayer shawl for the occasion. Anyway, dogs dislike hats and garments -although at reform temples from Santa Monica, California to Miami, Florida, pet participants in Bark Mitzvahs receive little yarmulkes. According to Forward and other liberal Jewish journals, Bark Mitzvahs, usually held during Purim, have become an accepted way to honor the animals in our lives. The ceremonies also offer an excuse to raise money for temples in a wholesome way.
Naturally, there are dissenting opinions. Rabbi Avi Shafran, public affairs director of Agudath Israel of America, believes "a bar mitzvah speaks to the ideal" of humanity-choice and free will, qualities our pets do not share. Nonetheless, Rabbi Shafran acknowledges the importance of animals: "The Talmud says that when one comes home they have to feed their animals before they feed themselves." In other faiths, our dogs do have a paw in the divine. A Methodist Church in Sheboygan, Wisconsin allows dogs at Sunday services. A Presbyterian Church in Los Angeles has a service every week and encourages dogs to attend with their human faithful. Many Episcopal churches invite pets to an annual blessing of the animals. Priests and rabbis now say prayers at animal burials. They also accompany grieving owners to the veterinarian when pets are euthanized.
Don't be turned off by Marge's unorthodox invitation. Accept graciously, buy a small gift, and go in the spirit of l'chaim - to life!
Go to lexmedia.org/ondemand to see all episodes of "Ask Dog Lady" the TV show; send questions to askdoglady@gmail.com.